Happy New Year! I hope you had a fun and restful end to 2023.
I’d like to start off by extending a shoutout to all of the parents on what is likely your first day back to work, the greatest vacation of them all. You survived the dark, daycareless, tantrum-filled holiday season. Good job.
Our family somehow managed to get through without any sickness and just about one Category 5 meltdown per day, both of which I’m chalking up as big wins. We got a few adorable photos of the girls during their first Christmas together, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t thrilled to be sitting in front of a computer for nine hours today.
I’m a resolutions guy (sue me), and I had a good laugh reviewing my progress on last year’s resolutions while attempting to jot down a few for the upcoming campaign. I’m not sure what overcame me to include things like “Run my first marathon” and “Less complaining” while my wife was six months pregnant, but I learned a good lesson about realistic goal setting during the first year of a baby’s life.
On paper and in my brain, 2023 was a tough year. The “one is one and two is ten” mantra proved to be true. I completed approximately 26.2 fewer race miles than intended and went the wrong direction on several key health initiatives. I set out to read 6x the number of books I actually read. I complained. The scoreboard was not pretty.
But *TikTok mediation expert voice* I learned a ton about myself, as both an individual and a dad. I definitely wasn’t perfect, including some less-than-ideal moments of low patience last week, but I feel beyond lucky to have two happy, healthy girls and a few clear opportunities to be a better father this year.
Hope springs eternal in 2024. Here are a few of my documented resolutions for Father Times. Hold me accountable and go easy on me when we revisit things in 2025.
Put on my oxygen mask before assisting others
When you’re flying with your kids on a plane, the instructions are that, in the event of an emergency, you should put on your oxygen mask first before assisting others. It makes sense, because in that situation, other people are dependent on you for help. The plane needs you to stay conscious.
Morbid metaphor aside, your kids need you to stay sane. It’s impossible to operate with a high level of patience and perspective if you aren’t providing yourself with some of the fundamental things that keep you functional. Last year, I think I did a poor job of prioritizing the things I know are critical for my everyday well-being.
Sleep is definitely at the top of that list, and you’re already familiar with my journey on that front. There’s really only so much you can do, but I’m at a point now where it’s at least manageable. Beyond that, I’m a simple man and need three things to get to 95% of my ideal state. Exercise, healthy food, and quality alone time.
This sounds like a really long preface to justify golfing more. It’s not, although I wouldn’t fight you if given the option. Instead, I’m committing to a few health and fitness practices that I know will make me a better dad:
I’ve hired a running coach (a friend) to get me out of my meathead gym routine and on a running plan that will keep me focused and accountable. I feel really good when I do the active things I enjoy the least. I feel really old when I hurt myself in the gym lifting weight I don’t really need to lift.
I’m aiming for 80% of what I eat to be whole foods. If you think I’m going to actually calculate this, you don’t know me well. But I’d like to at least have that voice in the back of my head guiding me on my eating decisions throughout the day.
I’m walking 10k steps per day, every single day. I have a desk treadmill that I got on Amazon and I have become the asshole that is swaying back and forth during Zoom calls. But health is wealth and I’m going to get my steps in.
Finally, I don’t want to ignore the quality alone time piece. As a parent, there are a zillion things you’re going to miss once your free time is hacked into pieces. For me, it’s easy to fall into the trap of filling whatever free headspace with mind-numbing entertainment that doesn’t require me to think or feel. The key here is “quality.” I lacked it in 2023. This year, I’m going to be more aware of those moments and try to make the most out of them, ideally by being active and/or with people I love. That might mean missing a random college football game, but the Pac-12 is dead so my bad habits can be, too.
#explOREGON
I bought two standup paddle boards last year. Again, zero idea why I thought 2023 was going to be my Live, Laugh, Love era. Those boards have been exposed to more dust than water, but I’m determined to change that.
We had Baby #1 during peak COVID, so we accustomed ourselves to not being overly adventurous out of necessity. Then Baby #2 came and Baby #1 became Toddler #1 who couldn’t be trusted in public for more than a few minutes. Add in the nap Tetris game we had to play every day, and we just weren’t motivated to be brave with our weekend planning.
Although we’ve always done our best to get out, it’s very convenient to find reasons not to push the envelope, especially when the downside (screaming in restaurants, fours of packing to go on a one-hour road trip, screaming on the road trip, etc.) seems to outweigh the upside. But I also think it’s important that our kids get to experience the beauty of the Pacific Northwest and get a few more reps in public spaces, even if they’re unable to form memories of these activities or appreciate what we hope they appreciate.
This year I am pushing for our family (all four of us) to:
Camp for three nights
Take two trips by plane
Go paddle boarding AT LEAST three times
Those don’t seem very ambitious on the surface, but it’s hard to rally a young family. We are going getting out of our comfort zones, no matter how much screaming is involved.
Be a keyboard warrior
Father Times is still a newborn, but documenting my parenting journey has genuinely helped me become a better dad in just five (now six) short posts. There’s mixed research around the efficacy of journaling, but for someone who’s most comfortable with writing as a form of expression, the experience of chronicling my life as a dad has felt as cathartic as it has creative.
I’ve been more present. I’ve given myself dedicated time to reflect on the highs and lows. I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve been angry with myself, I’ve felt proud. There are times when this feels like classic Millennial wannabe influencer behavior, but my overarching goal is to feel and be better. Father Times is helping on both fronts, and I want to keep it going.
I may have deferred this resolution about 11 months, but the time is now. I plan to have 52 posts this year, come hell or high water. And I encourage you to commit to a routine creative pursuit, because it’s easy to ignore that part of your brain as you get older but the benefits are unrivaled.
Kid highlight of the week
We’ve been proud of the toddler lately because she’s been showing signs of recognizing when she’s upset and deploying her own self-soothing techniques. Namely, she has recently started asking to go out onto this bench on our porch to calm down. She normally lasts just a few minutes out there, but it’s nice to see her go outside and take a few deep breaths when she needs to.
My wife wanted to help her come up with a few other options for self-soothing and came up with the smart idea of repurposing a large box that the toddler can easily crawl in and out of as the “calm down box.” She threw in a few blankets and stuffies and even added a little light, making it the perfect spot for a 2yo to go take a breather.
Two nights ago, after we left her grandparents house, she had a colossal meltdown. Maybe the worst one we’ve ever experienced. As we were walking to our door, my wife gave her the options of going outside or retreating to her calm down box. And the toddler kept screaming for the entire neighborhood to hear “I DONT WANT TO GO IN MY BOX! I DONT WANT TO GO IN MY BOX!”
😬😬😬
I believe in you
I don't want to go in my box either! Thoughtful insightful entertaining. Keep those posts coming once a week